The final signature on a separation agreement or divorce document.
The granting of a final family court order.
The filing of a divorce application.
Seeing your filed and stamped divorce order for the first time.
Endings are important.
There are many layers of ending when a relationship is over.
These are not just transactional moments; they are bound with much more than the administrative task of completing forms, stamping copies and filing materials.
The end of a relationship is profound.
The end of the original family structure may be overwhelming.
I am fully aware of the weight and emotion of endings; often ending a relationship truly crystalizes in that moment when the legal documents are complete. Not always. But often.
The documents will outline (hopefully) a path forward – at least logistically – such as the schedule for kids, the transfer of funds, the sale of a home, the return of items and the splitting of photo albums.
The journey of healing will continue. As it must.
The fault lines and tiny fractures remain as an overlay in post-separation communication. If your ex will be in your life after the breakup – whether as a friend, acquaintance or through community activities, shared social or faith structures or as a co-parent – the ending will evolve, and sometimes you may step on those small lines that are still sensitive…still open…still raw…still broken.
In the pre-pandemic reality when I was in person with clients, in an office, reviewing the final agreements or divorce documents, there was always a moment when I would pass over the pen; the meaning of that moment would be palpable in the air.
Acknowledging the act of ending and making space for the humanness of endings in our life is so essential.
People need a moment to embrace and release all they have survived, sacrificed and surrendered along the way.
To bear witness to this moment is to be humbled by the resilience and strength, the learning and growth, and the possibilities that will result from…the ending.
