Living through a pandemic has made many people reflect on the lives they have and the lives they want.
People are re-evaluating their work, their relationships, their purpose and values, and their hopes and
goals for the present and future.
For many in relationships, this has meant taking a hard look at if their relationship is truly providing them with what they need and want. There are fewer distractions and less distance between partners. Some are getting a much clearer picture of who their spouse really is or always was – and for some this has meant making the choice to end their relationships.
For others in relationships, this has meant diving deeper into fixing or tending to relationship issues; they are going to counsellors or getting support from family, friends, faith, self-help books, etc. Some are trying to figure out how to adapt, shift, challenge and make changes so they can continue to be in partnership.
Yet others have found the person or people they have chosen to be in relationship with to truly be their ideal match; the stressors and difficulties of 2020 have made some partnerships stronger, more resilient and for some have deepened commitment.
Some couples may also consider having children or more children during this time – and each person in the partnership may have a very different answer to this question.
For singles, the question of finding the “one” or any “one” to build a life or family with has become even more complicated and challenging during the pandemic. Some singles in relationships may not see the person they are with as the person they want to have children with but they may still want to be in the relationship.
When I was growing up, even though I was abundantly surrounded by dominant relationship norms of couples, monogamy, marriage, and children – following in that precise order – I never understood that to be the only way, nor did I see anything out of the ordinary in the ability for different people to play different roles in a person’s life.
Now, many decades later, I am heartened to see in my family law and fertility law practice the actual practical abilities for people to choose who they want to partner with and who they may want to parent with – understanding that these may be different people.
It is a lot to expect that one individual will have everything we need and mostly we collectively understand that – which is why we treasure our friends, family, work colleagues and community members; they add so much to our lives.
Sometimes good partners may just not make good parents or good co-parents. Sometimes good co-parents may not be who we want to have as partners. All of this is okay.
Through advances in fertility law, more options for navigating solo or autonomous parenting by choice movements, and more openness and social media sites that connect people who want to create families of all sorts, for example Modamily (https://www.modamily.com*) – “a new way to family” as their tagline reads – people are starting to build lives more authentic to people’s needs, wants, and desires.
During the pandemic, we have all had to start having conversations (and continue to) about who is in our “bubble” and many have had to confront that they may not really want to “bubble” with those in their lives.
Others, who are single, have had to seek additional direction about how to create “bubbles” and friends have had to have more serious conversations about “bubbling” together.
All of the conversations regarding “bubbling” together have had people start to invest in discussions of consent, boundaries, limitations, time and space, and review options to continue to “bubble”. People have had to trust and be transparent in ways they may not have had to before with friends and family – because lives are literally at risk.
These newfound (for some) skills of communication requiring honesty and authenticity may well have a positive impact on how we move forward post-pandemic.
We have now all become more aware of the precious and finite reality of time – and the people we truly want to spend it with.
*Please note: Modamily is provided as an example and not an endorsement.
