At possibly the worst time in your life – the breakup of your relationship – the Law demands that you
behave your best.
While your assets are being valued and debts assessed and divided; while your family home may have to be sold and your children are put on a parenting schedule that practically requires an assistant to navigate and implement; and as the future you imagined lays around you in tiny pieces, family law demands, expects, encourages and stresses that you need to be the best parent, the best co-parent, the best ex-spouse and the best person as you go through this process – a process that may have literally seen your world collapse.
Nobody checked in before you got into a relationship, bought property, incurred debt or had children to evaluate if you had the skills, knowledge, capacity or supports to do any of these things but when you are involved in the family law system suddenly a whole bunch of professionals are going to demand of you a standard of behaviours and conduct that seems unattainable.
People are always shocked at how long it takes to get a divorce or navigate through a contested separation process while it takes literally minutes to get married. A few signatures, far less than the separation and divorce process, and you can be married. Unless people did a pre-marriage course, relationship counselling or some sort of other self-improvement or personal reflection, getting into a relationship has no prerequisites.
In very conflicted matters your separation may cost you more than your commitment ceremony or wedding. In worst case scenarios some couples will literally end up spending close to the value of their family homes for legal fees in going to court.
When you have children, no one asks if you are able, to the best of your abilities, to preserve, maintain and foster the emotional, psychological, mental and overall well-being and best interests of your children – but if you separate, the only thing a court will want to know is about their best interests.
Suddenly, while you still may feel broken and under-resourced on all levels, including financially and emotionally, you may find yourself now having to take on the role of good post-separation spouse and co-parent. Your actions and reactions will be assessed, evidenced and exhibited. Where most would benefit from having time to heal, cope and grow with some privacy when such turmoil enters their lives, separating spouses, especially in the litigation process, face the scrutiny of the legal system.
In mediation and collaborative law processes there is more room for people to be flawed, to emote, to take responsibility, to regret, to apologize and to rebuild; in other words, to be human. This is not always the case, but if anywhere these forums can be adapted and focus on the parties.
What if family law litigation could be the same?
What if each family law case in court could address separation more holistically, with more understanding of the challenges, more recognition of the wounds and…more compassion for those who cannot be their “best”?
What if the family law system could work at leaving people better off than when they entered the process?
Our clients may not be at their best when they enter the system, but hopefully we can work towards having them not leave the family law system at their worst.
