I had a kidney infection. It was super painful. Unlike any pain I had felt before.
I was resentful. It was the morning of the first day of my vacation and instead of flying out I was in the emergency department attached to various IV drips getting pumped with pain medication, antibiotics, etc. The worst part…I would have to come to the outpatient treatment area of the Emergency Department for the next seven days – my entire vacation – to get the IV antibiotics.
By day three I was resigned that my precious vacation time, which took a lot of organizing for my solo practice to coordinate, was not going to happen.
As I sat in a chair waiting for one of the nurses to put in my IV drip, I looked down and there on the hand rest of the wooden chair I was sitting on were the finely etched words “Very Alone”.
It struck me. It made me sad. It kind of broke my heart.
Someone, at some point, was sitting in this environment – feeling very alone.
So alone, that they left an anonymous record of their reality.
It’s not hard to imagine that someone would feel alone. The medical system and ER departments can be overwhelming and isolating.
The system has to deal with so many people with various levels of injuries and suffering. The administration staff and nurses triage the masses as best as they can, doing intakes and then moving people to the next stage of the process. Each step requires more paperwork, more tests, a re-telling and more re-telling of what brought you into the hospital, and waiting…lots of waiting.
I was fortunate. I had loved ones by my side taking me to the ER each day – supporting me, caring for me and advocating for me when I could not. And throughout the days I had telephone calls and email and text check-ins from my cherished friends and family. I am very fortunate.
But many, if not most in the ER were by themselves, trying to cope within the institutional structure. Depleted by pain and frustration with delays, not understanding the process, the exhaustion and upset of it all seemed to make people just resign themselves to the circumstances around them.
Law and Medicine are large systemic bodies that are very similar that way.
It made me think how isolating the family law system is with its endless bureaucracy, procedures and professionals and the often-lengthy time and delays between each process. The desire for clients is to just have it all over with and yet their files may go on and on, sometimes feeling like no resolution is in sight.
Unlike patients in the ER, the damage and pain for family law clients is more internal – likely no broken bones but likely broken spirits; no open cuts but much wounding and healing that will take longer than bones to mend.
Unlike the medical system (thankfully) there is also the increasing stress of the financial burden of being involved in the family law system.
I’m always in awe of nurses, doctors, triage and administrative staff in hospitals, especially in ER Departments and how they juggle the volume of traumas and crisis around them; it is pretty inspiring.
Unlike the ER, where you are sitting in a small treatment area in front of the various nurses and doctors running around, the family law system is more segregated. The only time you see others like you going through a similar matter might be on a family law list day in court or in the lobby or seating areas in between the court rooms. In family law, people are mostly in their own silos.
It was the random acts and gestures of kindness by the hospital staff that made my seven long days more bearable. I am very grateful.
During my seven days I sat in the “Very Alone” chair, as I referred to it, several times. Each time, I would look down and as the antibiotics made their way through my body I would think about patient “Very Alone”. I would think about how many “Very Alone” people are moving through our institutions.
It made me think about how we can better the family law system to make it less overwhelming, less detached and less complicated. It made me think about how as family law practitioners we can be better in our duty to assist people as they move through the complex family law system. Some of our clients will have supports and loved ones waiting for them at our offices or in the courtroom but others, many, are doing this all by themselves.
What can we do so that our clients are not so “Very Alone” too?